The Six Common Mistakes Parents Make When Choosing Guardians

It’s normal to have lots of emotions when it comes to choosing a guardian. But basing decisions on emotions alone does not always result in good decisions.  That’s why it’s imperative that you complete the objective easy-three step process for choosing a guardian that we shared in Chapter 2, and then take your final decision to God in prayer.

There’s a reason that royals always have an heir and a spare when it comes to inheriting the throne!  That’s because if something happens to the first heir, the monarchy can continue through the spare! 

Make sure you have designated backup guardians in case your first choice can’t do it or declines to serve.  We typically recommend you name at least three choices in order of preference.

Many parents choose to name a couple to serve as guardians. But what would you want to happen if they were already divorced when you passed away, or one spouse had pre-deceased you?  Would you be okay with one spouse serving alone under those scenarios, or would you prefer that your first choice gets skipped, and the spare guardian(s) are appointed instead?

Make sure that if you are naming a couple, that you include any conditions you may have.  Here is an example of what that looks like:

John and Jane Smith, jointly, and only if married and living together at the time of appointment.

Sometimes the people we believe would make the best-choice for raising our children and providing their day-to-day care, are not always the best at managing money! It’s okay to name different people for these roles—someone to raise the kids, and someone else to manage the money you’ve left behind for the kids. We call the person who manages the money an “executor” or a “trustee”.

Make sure that when you create your estate plan, that you address whether you want the guardians to also manage the money, or to split that role between different people.

In very rare cases, family members might challenge your choice for guardianship and ask a court not to honor your wishes.  This sometimes happens when money gets involved, family members become too emotional, or none of your guardians are available to serve. 

Make sure that you complete the proper legal documentation to exclude any family members who you would never want to raise your kids under any circumstance. In the rare case that guardianship is contested and needs to be appointed by a judge, you can ensure that the judge knows your wishes for excluding them from consideration.

It’s important to document your wishes regarding your children’s upbringing so your guardians are clear on your preferences. By leaving behind instructions for your guardians, you can convey your hopes and dreams for your children’s upbringing.  Parents often address things like what other family members or friends they want to participate in the children’s upbringing, and what spiritual care or guidance they want the children to receive, and even practical things like their feelings on allowance, or dating, or driving. 

Make sure you complete an “Instructions to Guardian” form to provide your guardians your wishes and ensure the best possible outcome for your children.